I had the pleasure of speaking at the CEO Clubs this week and we went over the CEO’s 2012 imperatives. We are not talking about the company’s imperatives but rather what are the imperatives for YOU, as a person.

We are not talking about those New Year’s resolutions either – they usually last as long as it takes you to fill in your 2nd or 3rd glass of champagne right after you chanted the count down.

Where would you like to go this year and how will you know when you get there?
Taking a loose approach to setting your personal imperatives may result in not getting what is really yours, as a person.
Let me share a few ideas on how to structure your own 2012 Imperatives.

First, we need to be selfish here for a few moments. Being too selfish is wrong and not enough robs you of the time you need to spend for you. I am not referring to your spouse, your kids, your parents but YOU.

Why set Imperatives?
1) Simply because it works. I have read books and bios of many peak performance authorities – not the evangelists that you make you feel good for 30 minutes then it goes away like a hay fire but authors of substance such as Dale Carnegie, Earl Nightingale and Stephen Covey. Their conclusions are similar. If you take the time put ‘Pen to Paper’ and write them down, you will achieve them. It has worked for me as well as countless leaders I have interviewed.

2) They give you focus. By preparing what you want to achieve it gives you that direction when you are too busy with 100 things that you have to manage. Unconsciously, by setting your imperatives your mind has been programmed to achieve these imperatives and they focus you in that direction. This focus will have benefits for your family and loved ones as well.

3) It rewards you when you have accomplished them.

4) It reduces stress and worry.

5) It avoids you from getting fired! Think of it. If you as a person are structured and have direction this will reflect in your work. Your employer expects you to be focussed but inherently that should also mean that you know where you are going as a person – they are connected.

An easy way to remember what Imperatives should look like. That’s easy too!

They should be SMART:

S – Specific
M – Measurable
A – Achievable
R – Realistic
T – Time bound

Here are time tested steps the make the Imperative setting process easier for you:

1) Find the time to ‘Sit and think’ about your imperatives, without interruptions (SMS, emails, mobile phone, email, staff, etc.). Actually sit down for about one hour and write down what you want to do for yourself in 2012, ex. read 6 books, become financial literate, go the gym 3 times per week, etc.

2) Write it down (WID) on paper!

3) When it comes to the ‘Achievable’ aspect of your imperatives make sure your imperatives are lofty or stretching. Push yourself to the limit.

4) Set as many as you want (ex. 10-2012 imperatives) but again, ‘Realistic’ with the actual description of the imperative & amount of imperatives, i.e. anything over 10 Imperatives is harder to manage.

5) Place them in priority or category once you agree with content.

6) Determine the best way to see/review them weekly or daily (Excel, BB/ iPhone).

7) Determine a scoring method.

8) Rate them on a quarterly basis – rating them too fast or too soon is not good.

9) Don’t be too hard on yourself when you rate yourself. Remember the glass is ‘half full’ attitude will encourage you to reach them, whereas rating yourself as a ‘half empty’ will only discourage you.

10) Reward yourself when you reach one. Buy yourself a Snickers candy bar, go fishing with the boys, go shopping in London with the girls or something that actually rewards yourself – this is important.

Consider that this activity is not difficult, however I challenge you to actually ‘sit and think’ for one hour uninterrupted? When was the last time you did this? It is not only good way to establish one’s imperatives but it’s also a proven method to resolve issues you may be faced with. People don’t sit and think any more since we are bombarded with social media, work, family duties and entertainment.

Given that we are still early in the year, remember:

1) There is no better time to ‘sit and think’ about one ‘s 2012 Imperatives
2) Write it down (WID)
3) Imperatives need to be SMART
4) An investment of only one hour can bring multifold ‘dividends’ on a personal basis for 2012.
My blog has additional details to some of these ideas (see below).

Lastly let me leave you with one final piece of advice.
Don’t bother wondering HOW imperatives work!

The explanation is scientific, metaphysical, spiritual, coincidental, driven by luck, unexplainable, all of these or it’s just eerie. The more you ask yourself how it works the more time you waste: IT JUST DOES!

Perhaps William James summarizes the reason why this process works when he reminds us that the average person develops only 10% of his or her latent mental abilities

‘Compared to what we ought to be we are only half awake. We are making use of only a small part of our physical and mental resources.
Stating the thing broadly, human individuals thus live far within their limits. They possess powers of various sorts which they habitually fail to use.’

William James
American Psychologist, Philosopher, Physician and author on concept of pragmatism
(1842 – 1910).

Best wishes for 2012!

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Successful global brand requirements:

1)     Talent/Quality

Any product or service (let’s call it ‘product’ for brevity) needs to be top quality or at least needs to be perceived as having unwavering quality. Think of Mercedes or American Express. These companies like others have demonstrated time and time again that quality makes the customer come back.

2)     Energy/Sustainability

Your product has to be number one in the ‘hearts and minds’ of your customers that means you need to constantly push away the competition regardless what they throw at you. Nokia which was the best mobile phone company in the early 2000’s slowly ‘got their lunch eaten’ by Blackberry. Now BlackBerry is getting kicked by Iphone. ‘You snooze…you lose’.

3)      People; Let me be more specific: Management, team members, partners and suppliers.

It’s all about people.  You get the best leader in charge of an organization and magic   happens. If you have a tyrant at the head of an organization – you have chaos.

Suppliers can become your most important ally. John F. Love in ‘Behind the arches’ paints a dramatic look on how McDonald’s transformed ‘Mom and Pop’ suppliers into multi-million dollar firms.

4) Marcomms (Marketing Communications), Managing media/Social media initiatives.

This is where the marketing purists do their mixing: the classic and the new; conventional and social media. Be careful however. Social media is not the panacea for all Marcomms. Classical media (TV, print, radio and outdoor) still carry a lot of weight.

5)     New Product Development (NPD)  and Determination

Take a look at how many times Samsung is launching new products and that will indicate the type of momentum and dizzying pace it takes to stay alive in a market where customers want more speed/features/ time savers and benefits.

6)     Luck

In a recent interview Johnny Depp told Larry king that industry experts referred to Depp’s first 20 years of his acting career as ‘ Box office poison’. Then he was offered the role in Pirates of the Caribbean. Depp said ‘Yes I was lucky at that moment but I also knew that if someone gave me the ball… I had to run with it ‘. Luck plays a vital role in business. Question is: Are you ready when luck comes your way?

7) Pride. More on that later.

So how does Inna stack up?

1)     Talent/Quality

In an age of music artists that can fake their way to the top, I can assure you this lady can sing. She sings live every moment that she can including live radio interviews (not to mention in 4 languages: Romanian, English French and Spanish). She’s been singing since she was eight years old and still continues to improve herself.

2)     Energy/Sustainability

Remember the last time you had a cold/flu? You felt miserable, calling in sick at work and you just wanted to sleep. When you have on average 12 concerts in 12 different countries per month – you can’t ‘call in sick’. In fact you have to sing even with a sore throat. With jet lag, meeting fans, TV/radio interviews, red carpet appearances, meeting fans before the show, sound checks, hair, make-up, performing the show and still meeting fans backstage after the show…’this life isn’t easy’. Inna has more energy than her whole team combined. She cherishes meeting fans after the show, signing autographs and genuinely takes an interest in all of them. She sustains this energy by continuously pushing herself. Here lies the secret of keeping the competition at bay.

3)     People

Inna’s Manager is Lucian Stefan. In his twenties, this fellow has the abilities and competencies of a multinational CEO twice his age in my opinion. Lucian has created the right environment and hired a small team to support him including Marian Dorobantu, Creative Director.  By team I also mean stakeholders/partners such as Play and Win who are extremely talented: They do the composing, lyrics,  production, mixing and the mastering (quite rare) since in the US only one company/entity will do one of these activities – not all four.

Roton is the music label and the core team also includes 4 main suppliers; Edward Aninaru (Photographer),  Maria Andrei (Stylist), Camelia Negrea ( Hair) and  Andra Manea ( Makeup)…4 vital components to make a singer  look/feel her best.

4)     Marcomms (Marketing Communications), Managing media/Social media initiatives.

I can’t possibly list all the things they have done in this area however Social media played an important role:

Facebook: 4,005,257 fans or more fans that Gwen Stefani, Nicole Scherzinger and Nelly Furtado. Lucian through his PC skills has mastered the FB Page.

Twitter: Inna does her own Twitter message – clear enough!

As a result fans have created a multitude of FB pages and Twitter address with the name INNA.

Youtube: As you would expect this has been a critical element for a music artist. Lucian would upload all kinds of Inna video moments as well as teasers of songs, albums as well as really cool moments arriving in new countries. Her first song  ‘Hot’  has in excess of 110 Million views on YouTube.

Now I’ll be the first one to say to ‘don’t bet all your horses ‘on social media (SM). Classic media like print is also responsible for Inna’s popularity. In her case getting two covers in FHM magazines led her to other significant covers such as Elle, Viva and Forbes magazines.

SM + Classic Marcomms led to endorsements with Microsoft and Pepsi. My suggestion is to really look at this artist as a possible endorser for your products/services.

I will skip New Product Development (NPD) and go straight to pride…my favorite topic.

When Inna lands in a new country she says 2 things:

1)     My name is Inna and,

2)     I’m Romanian

Not to make this a political tangent but I want to reach out to my fellow Romanians. It is clear to me that Romanians have this ‘thing’ about being assertive (or lack) about their nationality.

Ok Romania has had bad press in the past in other countries as well as its nomadic people. I am the first to say: So what?

As a proud Canadian we also have issues as a nation.

When I speak to investors I tell them about the abundant IT talent in Romania, English skills, tireless and diligent Romanian employees not to mention EU status and funding opportunities Having lived in 9 countries, I see Romania’s huge talent.

Back to Inna and my message. Like Inna,  ‘Be a proud Romanian’ and that enthusiasm and pride will become contagious. Inna has diligently used this in her favor.

Pride is the key word here.

Still not convinced? Check out this Youtube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUMLYdPQpgc and help me understand this question:

How can a Romanian have so much influence and reverence in a country like Mexico – a country that still had not commercially sold her songs until the time she landed for the first time?

I have had the pleasure of working with Inna’s management recently and what I discovered was truly amazing.

When you combine talent, energy, the right people, the right Marcomms, NPD, a bit of luck and lot of pride any Romanian brand can compete globally…just ask Inna!

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What I found was not a book but an experience? It’s called ‘How to win friends and influence people ‘ by Dale Carnegie. This is a classic; it was originally written in 1936 but before you write it off by saying ‘yeah but it’s an old book’ what I have learned from personal optimization and peak performance is that no matter how old classics are, we really haven’t changed as people. I mean you won’t find references to Blackberries and Facebook but the way we interact with people has not changed. You read a book in the next twenty years from now about human interactions you will see commonalities as to how people felt in the early 1900’s.

 
Dale Carnegie suggests to not only read the book but to re-read each chapter, to think about how to apply some of his concepts and practice it – sounds like another imperative for 2011!

 
I want to share with you a passage that Carnegie found and re-printed in his book. Carnegie wanted to emphasize the point of how parents criticize their children and before they criticize them again, they should read a passage of American journalism that was written by another author,  W. Livingston Larned, called ‘Father forgets ‘.

 
Criticism brings about guilt. Guilt will haunt you. Guilt is only good if you recognize it and as per Carnegie, you learn from it as this passage adequately illustrates.

 
This passage refers to what a father says to his sleeping son but it applies to mothers too and really anybody that is dear to you. The passage struck me. Read then re-read to get the full effect on why criticism should be avoided.
Enjoy!

Father Forgets
W. Livingston Larned

 
Listen son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little paw crumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on your damp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a few minutes ago as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling wave of remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside.

 
These are the things I was thinking, son. I had been cross to you. I scolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave your face merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaning your shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your things on the floor.

 
At breakfast I found fault too. You spilled things. You gulped down your food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter too thick on your bread. As you started off to play and I made for my train you turned and waved a hand and called ‘Good bye Daddy’ and I frowned, and said in reply, ’Hold your shoulders back!’

 
Then it began all over in the late afternoon. As I came up to the road I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There were holes in your stockings. I humiliated you before your boyfriends by marching you ahead of me to the house. Stockings were expensive – and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Imagine that, son, from a father!

 
Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how you came in timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When I glanced over my paper, impatient at the interruption, you hesitated at the door, ‘What is it you want?‘ I snapped.

 
You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, and threw your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your small arms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in your heart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you were gone, pattering up the stairs.

 
Well son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from my hands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habit been doing to me? The habit of finding fault, or reprimanding – this was my reward to you for being a boy. It was not that I did not love you; it was that I expected too much of youth. I was measuring you by the yardstick of my own fears.

 
And there was so much that was good and fine and true in your character. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself over the wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rush in and kiss me good night. Nothing else matters tonight son. I have come to your bedside in the darkness and I have knelt there, ashamed!

 
It is a feeble atonement; I know you would not understand these things if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrow I will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer when you suffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my tongue when impatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: ‘He is nothing but a boy – a little boy!’

 
I am afraid I have visualized you as a man. Yet as I see you now, son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby. Yesterday you were in your mother’s arms, your head on her shoulder. I have asked too much, too much.

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In the picture you see my first mentor ( as a reminder Mentors do not get paid for their advice) and the fellow called Gordie is my mother’s Coach. In this example Gordie is really MY Coach since what he told me shocked me! Remember that Coaches shock and motivate you.

Without going into too much detail I had not seen my Mentor (read my mom) for quite some time. She is not doing too well health wise and her strokes made her condition more and more debilitating. A visit to Canada was long overdue.

Gordie is my mother’s nurse and caretaker and this is what he told me:

“Sir (not sure why he called me “Sir”) … I gotta tell you: Since you came to visit your mother she is a completely different person. She is happy, looks forward to your visits and her mood has changed…your visit made a big difference!”

A bit of context here: In Canada caretakers like Gordie are paid an OK salary and they do not get tips (spaga, kickbacks or payoffs) for what they do . I can tell you as a business man you really have to like what you do in this kind of job/environment and you need to have a genuine interest in people. This is a skill I don’t have, yet admire.

What he told me made me feel like 1 Million bucks…no make that 10 million bucks when I left the healthcare facility that day.

What’s my point?

1) He did not have to tell me this nor was he getting anything in return,

2) He cares for my mother and a whole lot of similar/worse patients on that floor,

3) His kind words made me feel like I was on top of the world,

4) As a result of these kind words I felt good but more specifically I thought to myself: Mission Accomplished. I came to Canada to visit my mother and it was clear that it had made a difference.

So you’re probably thinking …Paul – big deal? We all have to visit our ailing parents and this is our duty. True.

My point is that a complete stranger (to me) through carefully selected words made a world of difference to me – a few kind words woke me up.

My point: We all have this ability!

In our jobs as leaders we get the job done through managing people and at times we need to be tough, ruthless, impartial, bold, quick, impersonal and rude. After all that‘s business right!?

However if you keep screaming , putting down and never thanking your staff for exceptional work that kind of treatment loses its effect – they will no longer respect you. Why?

There is no point to perform since you are never happy!

If you add a few “Congratulations”, “Thank you” and “What you did made a difference ” that staff member will go back to her spouse that evening and tell them that ” the boss was happy with me today”. You really have this kind of effect on people.

Saying “Thank you “, “Good job” too often is not good either however.

Like sport coaches you have to reprimand for mistakes but celebrate the victories. You have to tell people when they are ‘messing up ‘but also help them improve in the process.

You have to combine the good and the bad.

I don’t care if you clean garbage for living (respectable living in my opinion) or if you are Barrack Obama. We all need to get some feedback; yes positive when we deserve it. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that your CEO does not appreciate being told by his peers that he/she is doing a good job ( of course, this does not happen too often). We all need this!

The ideal way to recognize an employee is in front of his/her peers. There is no stronger effect in my experience when you publicly recognize an employee amongst their peers when that employee undertook a “WOW” performance.People who know me and have heard my speeches know that I am a keen observer of leadership skills and what it takes to motivate people. When a complete stranger shocks me on”what a difference I have made” it reminds me that we can all lead this way…with just a few kind words.

You have the ability, the knowledge and now the reminder.

Try it this week and tell me what happened.

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As much as I suggested not asking yourself that question I believe that in all cases it boils down to one simple thing: An imbalance in the relationship between you and your employer.

Think about it. When you were hired, you were given:

1> Objectives: Profits, sales, delivery of products, creation, shareholder value, customer facing milestones, etc.

2> Conditions in which to do the job: Office, infrastructure, authority, data base of clients, etc.

3> Tools to meet these objectives: Staff, software, peers, processes, policies, budgets, guidelines.

It does not matter what kind of job you have – you need these 3 elements to get any job done, assuming you had the right skills when you were hired.

Well …this all goes well for some time and then things start to change.

– Customers start choosing other products/services.

– Competition becomes fiercer.

– Unrealistic objectives that have consistently not been reached on a monthly /quarterly basis.

– The struggling economy had its effect on your employer’s cash flow. Cash flow is the lifeblood in the veins of a company. Cash flow problems if not managed, can kill a company overnight.

– The staff quit or became more demanding or indifferent, unmotivated or worse you could not lead them.

– You were not meeting your objectives or at least it appeared that you were not.

– Management change either at the head of the organization or your boss.

The combination of any one of these factors can put the company or your employer in “survival mode”. The first thing companies do in survival mode is cutting back: Budgets, staff, training, expansion, sales and marketing activities.

If the leader of your company did not plan or see this coming the ensuing effect is chaos followed by more cuts/changes.

This is where you come in – you were the result of these cuts. The imbalance.

There is no point og going over it in your mind since the decision to fire you was final and you need to move on. When everything was going well i.e. you performed and your employer performed; balance existed. When performance was affected this created an imbalance – nothing personal (really).

I am big believer that when you are in a Win-Win environment it can be a lot of fun. When things start to sour however this is what you must do:

1) Be a part of the solution, not the problem. Don’t wait to take that initiative – do it now. Find solutions to real problems.

2) Raise your profile by assuming more tasks and responsibilities.

3) Communicate to your staff that a “storm is coming and that we need to pull together”.

4) Keep an open mind and a positive attitude. Be flexible.

If you fail at any of these 4 initiatives you will simply be overseen by your employer. There is an expression that says: ” When the ship is sinking, the first thing to be thrown overboard is useless cargo”.

I also believe that at all times, you should treat the relationship with your employer  like a client /supplier contract.

Let me explain. You, the supplier offer services (skills, competence, actions and deliverables) and your client (employer) pays you for these services. You do your best to keep your customer happy and he pays you (salary, bonus, perks, car, laptop, etc) for a job well done.

The problems start when there is an imbalance which leads to one party “taking the other for granted”.

“Well if I show up for work and I keep my head down, the boss won’t notice it”.

The employer says ” OK we’re going to have to cut jobs. Instead of paying dismissal packages ( cash) we’ll just tell employees that they are on a list of redundant employees; we’ll give them 6-8 weeks’ notice and indicate to them that they would be wise to start looking for another job” (this is a real example by the way of what I heard lately as a new tactic by an employer).

If you treat your relationship like a client /supplier relationship at all times you will do your best to keep that relationship positive and… balanced. On the flip side when you feel that the relationship is deteriorating (worsening) and the client no longer appreciates your services … then it’s time to move on. This is not different than other client/supplier relationship you face daily: Choice of supermarkets when you buy food, your lawyer, accountant, your car, mobile phone service, and your bank and so on.

It may sound like I am taking the employer’s side – not true. I have done both; worked as an employee and supplier (consultant or CEO Coach). I manage the expectations of my client /supplier relationships a lot better now since I realize that every relationship has a beginning and an end!

With that in mind I strive to keep my customers (employer) happy. When he changes or changes the rules or the environment then I remember: “OK…I have to adapt or move on”.

Try looking at your relationship in this way starting tomorrow!

This will give you a better perspective on how you look at your employer and it will give you the extra level of power in your current relationship since now, YOU control where this goes.

Regardless of who you work for, how long it’s been and how much of a “good ride” it’s been for you, an imbalance will occur whether you like it or not.

Are you going to be ready when this happens?

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Worse is tomorrow someone will ask you who you are and what do you do? We live in a society where so much is “who we are” and “what we do for a living. It’s as if you’ve just lost your identity.

OK unless you were fired for something blatantly obvious such as having done something illegal, immoral or criminal, then I can’t help you.

If you are like most people that were fired for “uncertain” reasons, I can help.

First . I can recommend two readings:

The Peter Principle. This principle states that “in a hierarchy every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence”, meaning that employees tend to be promoted until they reach a position at which they cannot work competently. It was formulated by Dr. Laurence J. Peter and Raymond Hull in their 1969 humorous book, The Peter Principle,

Perhaps this is what happened, but you certainly will not accept this in the next few days/weeks or months.

The second book you must read is a classic. “What color is your parachute”, by Richard Nelson Bolles.

Paul…I just lost my job and you expect me to read? Answer: Yes.

I also expect you to:

1. Disconnect from work altogether for some time – at least 2-4 weeks.
2. Go out and have a few drinks ( perhaps many) with your spouse, partner or good friends.
3. Talk to your friends that you trust, explain what happened and GET IT OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM.
4. Take time to reflect on YOU, your skills, your interests and your plan.
5. Take time to go do something for you: Cycle, walk, shop, travel, start a hobby, play Golf, get a manicure, pedicure and massage…do something you like.

As I said in my previous blog being fired is a life stage occurrence (Marketing term) where something impactful happens to you (i.e. new baby, divorce, marriage, caring for an aging parent). Getting fired is right up there with those other occurrences.

Therefore you cannot expect to get back on the phone and send your CV in a flurry of activity hoping that it will be ok. You may be lucky however I can tell you that I will be short-lived.

The most fundamental thing to do is to accept the situation – OK I know it’s hard; you’re upset and you want to hire 3 lawyers. I know. I can also tell you that that most employers have bigger lawyers. I have used lawyers – good ones and bad ones and the outcome is usually dismal or not really in your favor. Every situation is different and there is a great deal of satisfaction to get closure with a lawyer. However make sure you have money – this is not an option.

Getting over the DENIAL stage is fundamental. You need to accept that there was some form of inequality between what your employer expected and what you delivered – regardless if it’s your fault or not …it’s immaterial at this point. Dwelling on who to blame, how much your boss was difficult and why no one else stood up for you will not help. This is wasting perfectly good brain energy and besides there is nothing you can do about it.

Getting over the denial stage frees up your mind and enables you to focus as to who you are, what you are good at. Remember when emotions are involved it’s hard to think straight.

Reading The Peter principle is a good book to get your mind off things.

Reading What color is your parachute is a must read since it will help you in a variety of ways:

1. Identify your REAL skills. There is an exercise that takes about 4 hours to identify your skills. This is pure gold and don’t assume that you know your skills. In fact you may not even know what a skill really is.
2. It will prepare you for the worst case scenario: No work for 2,3,4,5 or 6 months. Again you will go in denial and say “well that’s crazy … I’ll find a job tomorrow”. Chances are that you will not so you need to plan that now.
3. The book will enable you to re-discover yourself. Perhaps you were in the wrong job or industry, working with toxic people, not really able to explore your potential or maybe you were there just for the money.
4. I tell my audiences to read this book not only when you are looking for a job but it’s a good read to develop yourself and to progress in your career.

Next steps:

1. Set up a plan. Now‘s the best time for you to re-calibrate your plan and decide what you want to do in the next 1,3 and 5 years.
2. Listen to your words: Attitude check. Your attitude now is critically important. No one will hire someone who is pissed off, frustrated, negative or grumpy. Now do you see why you needed to reflect for a few weeks to get over the denial period and to spend time for yourself?
3. Make a choice. If you were not happy with your last job, identify the reasons and avoid something similar.
4. Network. I looked at how I found my last 10 jobs as an executive: 7 were through people I knew; 2 from headhunters one through  cold calling – it was a revelation for me. As one my mentors Richard Eaton says. You can either Net -Work or Not –Work, it’s your choice.
5. Find a Mentor or Coach. Remember a Mentor is free and with a Coach, you need to pay. I have both. In either case your Mentor or Coach will tell you that you are not thinking straight and won’t care if they hurt your feelings…do you think that a football coach puts on white gloves during a game? Find either a Mentor or Coach. Tell them what happened and get ready to move on.

When you look back at this tough period in a few years, you will realize that this was a good time to reflect and spend time to invest in YOU.

Although your job was important (perhaps too important) as ever in life what really matters is your support group; the people that were cheering for you: Your spouse, your kids, your family and your friends in other words, your fans.

You can get a job anytime but keeping real fans like these is far more precious.

Put this in perspective as you embark to discover your next challenge.

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You have probably read a few articles on stress. I‘ve read some good ones over time and I’ve learned over my career that you need to go back to basics when it comes to stress management.

Fact: There is good stress and there is bad stress.

Statistics are consistent. There is enough research that suggests that stress will make you ill. According to the National Institute of Health in the US, 80 to 90 percent of all illnesses are either directly or indirectly linked to stress.

In another study, researchers found that more than 50 percent of Americans would be willing to take a day off work without pay in an effort to feel less stressed and have more time with their families.

Countless reports indicate that the majority of stress that people feel is due to work related issues such as time management (or lack thereof), workload, deadlines and dealing with difficult co-workers.

Good news: You can actually do something about stress in your day to day activities and get control over your life.

Cool tips for relieving workplace stress:

Eating  Right. Avoid eating unhealthy snacks. Are you getting enough fruits and vegetables in your diet? Eating healthy food can increase your energy. Junk food will deplete your stamina.

Drink less caffeine. Drinking lots of coffee and soft drinks can increase your stress levels. I notice myself slowly starting to boil for such small issues especially after drinking coffee – this is crazy. If you can’t cut out caffeine beverages completely, try to alternate your caffeine intake with healthier drinks or food.

Exercise. Exercise is the best way to relieve stress. Like many professionals raising a family I would neglect my exercise time since I was too busy. That was wrong. If you take care of yourself first  and then after,  the ones that are dear to you,  you will be able to take on a lot more of life’s stressful moments. I was always active in sports as a teenager, stopped in my twenties then rediscovered the virtues of fitness in my mid thirties. Right after a workout, jog or cycle I am reminded now of that  amazing feeling that comes through your mind ( it actually lasts only for a few seconds) and then I think to myself ” nothing can bother me now”  since my fitness session has completed drained me. Try it.

We’ll cover fitness in another post but if you are not currently active, consider taking a quick paced 10-minute walk during the day, even around the office or building. Walking will help to get your blood circulating and give you a mental break.

Stretch. Stretching can help to relieve stiff muscles, which can hold tension and make you feel more stressed. Stretch in the morning when you wake up (ever notice how dogs always stretch after they wake up… and I don’t remember getting comments from them on my blog). While sitting for more an hour at the computer, get up stretch, go for a little walk before you come back to your desk.

Rest. Are you getting enough sleep? We become moody or alternately laugh for just about any reason when we are tired but you may not notice what lack of sleep does in your ability to deal with stress. Not feeling rested can make you feel more overwhelmed. If you have been experiencing recurring sleepless nights, consult your physician. Guideline: minimum of 8 hours should be your goal as an adult – unless of course if you are physically fit, then you’ll notice that you need less sleep.

That extra little morning edge. Getting up 10-15 minutes earlier, and packing a lunch or getting your clothes ready the night before (yes I know this is difficult for the ladies), can help  you get  organized.

Avoid procrastination: One sure way to add to your stress is by putting off decisions and actions. But action itself will always reduce mounting stress. Try the simple trick of writing down all of the tasks that face you, however unpleasant. Then rearrange them in order of urgency, allot a definite time to each – and get them done.

E-mail jail. E-mail is the most common and pervasive form of communication and can be stressful to manage. Opening a full e-mail box can be overwhelming, not to mention time consuming. Here are 3 quick tips to avoid email stress:

1)      Turn off the alarm or visual message and take control of your e-mail and your time.

2)       Try to check your e-mail at regular times, i.e. early morning, mid-day and late afternoon. Even if you receive a high volume of e-mails, you shouldn’t check more than four times a day. Throw out the junk or respond immediately to those that require your attention.

3)      Create short answers. Reduce the length and frequency of messages you receive. It’s acceptable to send back a message that simply reads “Done” or “Thanks”.

Breathing right. When we are stressed, we have a tendency to take shallow breaths, which can result in feeling more tense. Try this: Start by inhaling deeply through the nose by counting to 6 seconds, hold for 3 seconds and exhale for 3 seconds. Do this 5 times. Then change it around: inhale for 3 sec. hold for 6, exhale for 3. Then inhale for 3, hold for 3, exhale for 6 seconds. Concentrate on your counting and breath. You will notice how amazing this is in getting you in more relaxed state.

Think positive. Take a few minutes to reflect on the good things in life. Recognizing what you have (and at times take for granted) can instantly improve your mood and outlook.

Do things you enjoy. Try to do something for YOU or something you love every day to give yourself something to look forward to. Most stress arises due to feelings of being out of control and doing things for everybody else. By taking care of yourself, you can begin to gain control and ensure that your workday is as relaxed as possible. Spoil yourself.

Last point: Be objective
You will be much less vulnerable to feeling stressed if you take on the “don’t sweat the small stuff – mantra that is, the myriad of minor irritations in life…the stuff that when you think about it really won’t matter when you’re 90 years old. Remember that stress is always subjective; it’s your emotional reaction to an outside event.

Use any combination of these tips to fight the bad stress and let me know which one worked the best!

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